Recently at a Houston mall some moms got into trouble with the mall cops for breastfeeding their babies at a Hollister store. If you're not familiar with the Hollister chain, it's where anorexic teenagers with too much money go to have their hearing damaged--oh, and to buy clothes. When you walk into the store you will notice two things: it is too dark to see the clothes and too loud to hear what the sales clerk is saying. "I think she just welcomed me to the store. Or did she say I was too fat and old to shop here?" Just smile and nod...
Which makes me wonder why anyone would want to feed their baby there. It is loud and dark and full of sulky teenagers. How can this be healthy? They may be well fed, but you will probably have to teach them sign language.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am all for breastfeeding. I successfully breastfed three babies past the age of twelve months. I often fed my babies in public and was never once asked to leave or given a dirty look.
Why, Kristin, how is it you managed to give your baby the best choice in nutrition, at any time of day, without having to stage a militant rally?
Umm...I didn't flash my boobs?
Before you had children, did you walk though public places with your breasts hanging out or did you keep them in your shirt? (Spring Break freshman year doesn't count) Why is that once you reproduced the rules changed? The pictures these women posted on Facebook of their Nurse-In shows several side-boob shots (okay, also seen at every major awards show) and several full boobie shots with baby attached to the end (kind of like a baby pastie).
I understand the argument these women make. Breastfeeding is not dirty--they should be allowed to feed their babies any place and not have to huddle in a smelly public restroom. When my children were newborns, they ate so often it sometimes seemed that I should just leave the darn things out. And I know some babies resist being covered with a blanket, but if you can't be discreet perhaps it's time to rethink the breastfeeding-in-public thing. Or move somewhere that's a little more comfortable with bare breasts, like Rio De Janeiro, or some place featured in the old National Geographic magazines. (And honestly, Honey, the girls don't look quite as good as they did freshman year.)
The thing that bothers me the most about these stories is it makes breastfeeding mothers look like some sort of weird, new-age hippie freaks. (You know, like Alicia Silverstone or Mayim Bialikok.) I never chewed my children's food for them, nor did I carry then around twenty-four hours a day until they were bigger than me (and I had developed a herniated disc). And I say once a child can sit up at the table and order for themselves off the menu, it's definitely time to wean them.
Breastfeeding is a wonderful experience for both mother and child. But not for the others shoppers at the mall.
The funniest thing about this story would have been the reaction of the Hollister employees to a nursing woman. ("OMG! That lady has her boob out! Eww, totally gross!") The store manager asked the woman to leave, telling her she couldn't do that on Hollister property. She told him
"It’s Texas. I can breastfeed anywhere I like." Apparently hungry teenagers in over-priced clothes are outside the jurisdiction of the state of Texas, as the manager informed the woman "Not at Hollister."
Ah yes, Hollister does know breast.
(Spell check didn't like how I spelled "boobie." Too bad, spell check. Boobie, boobie, boobie.)
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Monday, December 31, 2012
Kristin's 2012 Review
Facebook wanted to show me my 20 Biggest Moments of 2012, which included a someecard and lunch at Burgerville. Wow Facebook, you must think I lead quite the life--just a step up from Crazy Cat Lady and the video game store clerk who spends his whole paycheck on the Assassin's Creed series.
Perhaps I should make a "Biggest Moments" list of my own, those that may have not received the most "likes", but are a better indicator of how I fared in 2012.
1) My son turned 16. While it would seem that this was more of a big moment for him, anyone who has a child with a new driver's license and the impulse control of a two-year-old will understand why this is also a big moment for me.
2) I went on a trip to Minnesota where I met several people who, while I may not be related to by blood, I am proud to say I am part of their family. And I learned that in the Land of a Thousand Lakes it is perfectly acceptable to wear a life jacket like a diaper.
3) I voted. I won't tell you for whom, but I will tell you that I read the voter's pamphlet and watched as much of the debates as I could stomach. (Okay, I voted for the guy who played French horn with the UW Husky marching band in the Rose Parade. I'm a sucker for the French horn.)
4) My older daughter turned 13, thus enabling her to join Facebook and curtailing all the embarrassing stories I usually share about her.
5) I wrote a blog post that got the biggest response in all my (3) years of writing--361 views! It didn't hurt that I wrote about a local character who had already won over our entire community. I simply put into words what everyone else already understood to be true. But it did make me think that maybe I really should keep writing.
6) I attended a lot of soccer games, yet only the last few were in wet or cold weather. It was a good year for soccer parents.
7) I visited my father in the nursing home and realized that while he's still here, a good part of his personality is lost to me. However, I also understand that personality lives on in each family memory, in each story my siblings and I tell about growing up as an Alvick. (And maybe one or two of my character traits.)
8) I played tourist in downtown Seattle for the day, where I realized I know nothing about art. Luckily, my 10-year-old daughter does and kindly guided me through the Seattle Art Museum.
9) I took a trip to Hawaii with my extended family--husband, kids, in-laws, nieces and nephews. Nothing impresses people more than a family of 16 traveling together. While there I realized that I may have Seasonal Affective Disorder--I was happiest just soaking up the sun on the beach. And drinking mai tais. ( Maybe I'm actually suffering from Alcohol Affective Disorder.)
10) Looking back on 2012 I think that I had a pretty good year. Nothing monumental happened, no life changing events, just a bunch of happy little blips that kept me getting up every day, sometimes even with a smile on my face. I mean, you can't have lunch at Burgerville every day.
Perhaps I should make a "Biggest Moments" list of my own, those that may have not received the most "likes", but are a better indicator of how I fared in 2012.
1) My son turned 16. While it would seem that this was more of a big moment for him, anyone who has a child with a new driver's license and the impulse control of a two-year-old will understand why this is also a big moment for me.
2) I went on a trip to Minnesota where I met several people who, while I may not be related to by blood, I am proud to say I am part of their family. And I learned that in the Land of a Thousand Lakes it is perfectly acceptable to wear a life jacket like a diaper.
3) I voted. I won't tell you for whom, but I will tell you that I read the voter's pamphlet and watched as much of the debates as I could stomach. (Okay, I voted for the guy who played French horn with the UW Husky marching band in the Rose Parade. I'm a sucker for the French horn.)
4) My older daughter turned 13, thus enabling her to join Facebook and curtailing all the embarrassing stories I usually share about her.
5) I wrote a blog post that got the biggest response in all my (3) years of writing--361 views! It didn't hurt that I wrote about a local character who had already won over our entire community. I simply put into words what everyone else already understood to be true. But it did make me think that maybe I really should keep writing.
6) I attended a lot of soccer games, yet only the last few were in wet or cold weather. It was a good year for soccer parents.
7) I visited my father in the nursing home and realized that while he's still here, a good part of his personality is lost to me. However, I also understand that personality lives on in each family memory, in each story my siblings and I tell about growing up as an Alvick. (And maybe one or two of my character traits.)
8) I played tourist in downtown Seattle for the day, where I realized I know nothing about art. Luckily, my 10-year-old daughter does and kindly guided me through the Seattle Art Museum.
9) I took a trip to Hawaii with my extended family--husband, kids, in-laws, nieces and nephews. Nothing impresses people more than a family of 16 traveling together. While there I realized that I may have Seasonal Affective Disorder--I was happiest just soaking up the sun on the beach. And drinking mai tais. ( Maybe I'm actually suffering from Alcohol Affective Disorder.)
10) Looking back on 2012 I think that I had a pretty good year. Nothing monumental happened, no life changing events, just a bunch of happy little blips that kept me getting up every day, sometimes even with a smile on my face. I mean, you can't have lunch at Burgerville every day.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Mayan Calendar vs. Zombie Apocalyse
As we head into December, it was inevitable that the whole Mayan calendar/end-of-the-world thing would resurface. The U.S. government, however, asks that you not even go there. They say the theory about a deadly comet crash is untrue ("definitely not"). The world will not end on December 21st, so please stop scaring the children. (And really, what's more frightening: sudden and irrevocable end of life on earth, or teetering over the fiscal cliff and having to live out the rest of your life eating dog food and heating your home with coal, John Boehner telling you "I told you so" all the while?) Apparently it's not just us Americans playing Chicken Little--the Russian's have jumped on the end-of-the-world band wagon., too. But they're bringing vodka as part of an apocalyptic kit (which also includes heart medication and a pain reliever). If the world was ending, I think a headache would be the least of your worries. The vodka could come in handy, however.The whole Mayan calendar craziness has been talked about, blown out of proportion, debunked and then talked about some more. So let me ask you: when you get to the last page of your calendar, say December, and you go to see what's happening next month and there are no more pages, what do you do? Freak out and stockpile the bottled water? Or go to the office supply store and buy a new calendar? The Mayans, it's true, were very advanced for an ancient civilization. Besides their calendar making, they developed a writing system and left behind many examples of art work. But did they have iPhones and their amazing maps? What about Honey Boo Boo or Walmart? (Okay, on second thought, perhaps it's best if we just end it right now.)
The U.S. government wants you to forget about the Mayan calendar thing, but they have actively promoted preparing for a zombie apocalypse. (So let me get this straight--they don't want me to scare my children with the Mayans, but they want me to talk to them about zombies?) They say that it's all tongue-in-cheek to get people to think about emergency preparedness, but they also said that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and that its CIA agents were paragons of morality. Anyone who's seen the AMC series The Walking Dead could tell you zombies are the things of nightmares. They are the undead, people! Out to eat your flesh and infect your children! The good news is that fear of a zombie apocalypse has spurred gun and ammunition sales. Good news for the economy! Bad news if you happen to be shuffling to get your newspaper in the early morning hours and your neighbor is a paranoid gun owner. (What am I saying? People don't read the newspaper anymore. Wait! I read the newspaper!! Maybe I should start combing my hair and putting on some makeup before I head to the paper box.)
In times like this we should turn to the words of the immortal poet, Michael Jackson:
Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood
To Terrorize Y'awl's Neighbourhood
And Whosoever Shall Be Found
Without The Soul For Getting Down
Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell
The answer then to our apocalyptic dilemma? Getting down.
Cue the music and bring on the vodka.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Collect Calls from the Great Beyond
My older daughter and I have become hooked on TLC's show Long Island Medium. If you've never seen this show, it follows psychic medium Theresa Caput as she acts as intermediary for spirits and their loved ones among the living. Theresa considers herself a "typical Long Island mom"--if by typical you mean someone with bleached blond hair, nails that should be registered with the FBI and heels that leave her tottering though the show. Except she talks to dead people. I've always been pretty open to the idea of the paranormal, and I have no problem believing that the Long Island Medium really can receive messages from those who have passed away. Watching the show, however, I realized that clients always come to her with a specific person they wish to hear from and, surprisingly enough, that's always who shows up to the party. What if the spirit who came through is someone you didn't want to talk to again, in this world or the next? What if instead of your sainted mother, Theresa called forth the bully from 3rd grade? ("I'm sensing something about a swirly.")? Or that uncle who got drunk at every family gathering and used racial slurs? ("Oh jeez, the spirit says you should go #@!^ that $%^&* boyfriend of yours.") Or perhaps someone you've never met? ("Did you know someone named George Smith? From Hoboken? No? Sorry, wrong number!") And somehow these spirits always bring messages of forgiveness and closure. Theresa states before each reading that she only channels positive messages (spoken in a tone which sounds like a disclaimer--"the following psychic reading is for entertainment purposes only and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of this station.") Just once I'd like her to tell the grieving son that his mother thinks he's a schmuck and she never liked that trampy girlfriend of his. Death cannot possibly make everyone nice and understanding. I plan to send messages to my children that amount to "I told you so."
If I was ever haunted by a spirit, I have no doubt in my mind who it would be. Only my Grandma Mabel was obsessive enough to not let a little thing like death to keep her from getting the last word. Mabel Antoinette Bakke Alvick was a first generation Norwegian American and she took family very seriously. She may have been a pain as a parent, and very a difficult mother-in-law, but she was a wonderful grandmother. Grandma was the one who encouraged me to write. I know exactly what message Grandma Mabel would bring to me from the Great Beyond: first she'd call me by the horribly embarrassing nickname she saddled me with, and then she'd hold up one hand, displaying all five fingers. This was Grandma's way of reminding you to behave--each finger stood for one of her rules: no drinking, no smoking, no chasing (members of the opposite sex), go to church and write your (grand)parents. Well Grandma, two out of five ain't bad--which is why I fully expect to be visited one day by the spirit of Grandma Mabel. "Why haven't you been going to church? Would it kill you to visit your parents more often? Why has it been five weeks since you wrote a blog post--do you have cherabook?" (Some word Grandma made up, I'm sure, or claimed she learned from the Native Americans, meaning an illness that causes laziness). Grandma's message will not be one of forgiveness and closure.When I am done with this mortal life and pass over to the other side, Grandma Mabel and I are going to cause all sorts of trouble.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Mattress Lady
There is a woman who stands on the street corner at the entrance of our local Costco parking lot with a sign board for a mattress store.
She is my hero.
This woman, who I have nicknamed "Mattress Lady", takes her job seriously. And when I say seriously, I mean she gives her all to being a walking (dancing and swinging) billboard. She's out there on that corner all the time (no one else dares to try to fill Mattress Lady's shoes)--so much so, if we don't see her for a couple days we start to worry. She's working in hot weather and cold, sunshine and rain. She always has her headphones in and is dancing to the beat, swinging her sign board back and forth to the tune, with a smile on her face and waving to the cars as they go by.
I don't know what they're paying her, but I'm sure it's not enough because Mattress Lady rocks.
I have never seen anyone do what would seem to be a boring, un-fulfilling job with such enthusiasm. I really don't know how she does it--I can't even stand in line at Costco without feeling my life slipping away. Mattress Lady, a 60-ish woman in mom jeans, ball cap and tennis shoes, however, seems like she's auditioning for "American Idol."
There are a few other companies that pay people to hold sign boards just down the street from Mattress Lady's corner. There's the guy who dresses up like the Statue of Liberty during tax time, looking uncomfortable and embarrassed; the sullen 20-something that holds the guitar shaped sign for some pizza place; and the teenager with the sign for the local gun range, who is either texting or talking to her scraggly-looking friends the whole time. I couldn't even tell you the name of the companies they represent. They just don't have the joie de vivre, the je ne sais quoi, the toe-tappin', hip-swinging, work ethic that the Mattress Lady brings to her sign holding. Amateurs.
The Mattress Lady has become such a fixture in our community that she was invited to the high school's Homecoming Pep Assembly last year and one of my daughter's teachers dressed up with a sign board and head phones for Halloween. We recognize a true original when we see it.
Often times at that same corner, across the street, there is a young couple (late teens, early twenties) with a cardboard sign begging for money. They usually take turns standing there with the sign that claims they are living in their car and need money for food. Now, I don't know the real story behind this couple, maybe while one stands with the sign the other is out looking for work. Maybe there was abuse at home, maybe they have psychological issues that keep them form helping themselves. All I know is they picked the wrong corner to look helpless. There, right across the street, is a woman old enough to be their mother, busting her behind every day, giving all her energy and enthusiasm, while they ask for a hand out. I can't help but wonder what she thinks of them.
So all hail to the Mattress Lady, may your days be sunny and your sign board be light. Thank you for reminding me that any job can be fun, if you just have the right attitude...and some good music.
She is my hero.
This woman, who I have nicknamed "Mattress Lady", takes her job seriously. And when I say seriously, I mean she gives her all to being a walking (dancing and swinging) billboard. She's out there on that corner all the time (no one else dares to try to fill Mattress Lady's shoes)--so much so, if we don't see her for a couple days we start to worry. She's working in hot weather and cold, sunshine and rain. She always has her headphones in and is dancing to the beat, swinging her sign board back and forth to the tune, with a smile on her face and waving to the cars as they go by.
I don't know what they're paying her, but I'm sure it's not enough because Mattress Lady rocks.
I have never seen anyone do what would seem to be a boring, un-fulfilling job with such enthusiasm. I really don't know how she does it--I can't even stand in line at Costco without feeling my life slipping away. Mattress Lady, a 60-ish woman in mom jeans, ball cap and tennis shoes, however, seems like she's auditioning for "American Idol."
There are a few other companies that pay people to hold sign boards just down the street from Mattress Lady's corner. There's the guy who dresses up like the Statue of Liberty during tax time, looking uncomfortable and embarrassed; the sullen 20-something that holds the guitar shaped sign for some pizza place; and the teenager with the sign for the local gun range, who is either texting or talking to her scraggly-looking friends the whole time. I couldn't even tell you the name of the companies they represent. They just don't have the joie de vivre, the je ne sais quoi, the toe-tappin', hip-swinging, work ethic that the Mattress Lady brings to her sign holding. Amateurs.
The Mattress Lady has become such a fixture in our community that she was invited to the high school's Homecoming Pep Assembly last year and one of my daughter's teachers dressed up with a sign board and head phones for Halloween. We recognize a true original when we see it.
Often times at that same corner, across the street, there is a young couple (late teens, early twenties) with a cardboard sign begging for money. They usually take turns standing there with the sign that claims they are living in their car and need money for food. Now, I don't know the real story behind this couple, maybe while one stands with the sign the other is out looking for work. Maybe there was abuse at home, maybe they have psychological issues that keep them form helping themselves. All I know is they picked the wrong corner to look helpless. There, right across the street, is a woman old enough to be their mother, busting her behind every day, giving all her energy and enthusiasm, while they ask for a hand out. I can't help but wonder what she thinks of them.
So all hail to the Mattress Lady, may your days be sunny and your sign board be light. Thank you for reminding me that any job can be fun, if you just have the right attitude...and some good music.
Friday, September 21, 2012
46 Things I've Learned by 47
Today is my 47th birthday and to celebrate I am going to share with you my vast array of (somewhat useless) knowledge. It may seem like a long list, but it's not particularly deep, so let's put your speed reading skills to the test and see what Kristin's learned:
1. You simply cannot rush a two-year-old.
2. You can believe only that which can be proved by science, or you can believe that miracles happen. (And I can tell you which one will make you happier.)
3. Only hit someone if you are willing to be hit back, with the knowledge that they may hit harder than you do.
4. Life without chocolate isn't worth living.
5. Dogs are messy, but kind of cool.
6. Do not expect your spouse to be perfect, because that's never going to happen. And they would be really annoying if they were.
7. On the seventh day God gave us coffee and it was good.
8. Everyone has a story to tell--sometimes you just have to ask the right questions.
9. Having children changes your life in ways you'd never imagine. Like spending too much money on sports equipment to spend your weekend sitting in the cold rain watching 10-years-olds chase a ball around...And think it was worth it.
10. Your parents really did try to do the best they could.
11. Sometimes being right is not the most important thing.
12. Truth really is stranger than fiction. (So much so, I sometimes prefer fiction.)
13. Always hang up on someone who tells you they're not trying to sell you something. (But always say "No, thank you" first--manners are important.)
14. Manners are important.
15. Babies are pretty amazing.
16. Dental hygiene is important...And cheaper than dental surgery.
17. Teachers should be the highest paid profession.
18. You are not as important as you think. But that's not necessarily a bad thing.
19. No matter how many mistakes you've both made, your mom loves you. A lot.
20. Once past the age of 9 your children will not be impressed by anything you do. Don't let it bother you.
21. After the age of 39 your children will realize you've done some pretty amazing things. Be ready to greet their admiration with humility.
22. If you find a man who thinks you're sexy in your sweats, marry him.
23. Laundry is a never ending cycle. (You get it? "Cycle"?)
24. You're really not as smart as you think you are--be prepared to keep learning.
25. 47-year-old women think they have it all together. They don't, they're just making it up as they go along, just like everyone else.
26. You really do get more bees with honey than vinegar.
27. Anyone who does not believe in God (or some other supreme being) when they look at a newborn just isn't paying attention.
28. The lighting in fitting rooms is just cruel and should have some sort of federal mandate to be more flattering.
29. 46 is a big number...Who's bright idea was this, anyway?
30. Life doesn't start making any sort of sense until your 30's. Do the best you can until then.
31. Reading really is fundamental. Everything is harder without good reading skills. Plus, loving to read means you'll never be bored.
32. Never have more children than you have car windows. (Thank you, Erma Bombeck!)
33. Either you can drive in the snow or you cannot. Find out which it is and act accordingly.
34. Children can sense your weaknesses, so it's best to confess them up front, i.e.: "I don't really know where plastic comes from and I'm scared of driving in the snow."
35. Don't bother lying about your age. Your appearance is what it is--attaching a lower number to it won't change anything.
36. Always try to listen to the other side of issue with an open mind. Even if it turns out to be bat-shit crazy, at least you'll know what you're dealing with.
37. Cleanliness is overrated. As long as your house is clean enough to ward off illness, the rest is just cosmetic.
38. Do not be afraid to say no--to your children, your spouse, your friends and family. Sometimes it should be all about you.
39. Get to know your neighbors. Again, even if they're crazy, this would be good information to have.
40. The world is a great big place with lots of different kind of people--get out into it whenever you can.
41. Mud puddles are underrated.
42. Celebrate occasions--your birthday, the 1st day of school, St Patrick's Day. The rest of the year can be business as usual, your birthday should be special.
43. Young children and old people are the most fun to hang out with. They have no hidden agenda, nothing to prove and just enjoy life as it comes. Spend some time with them whenever possible.
44. Politicians come and go. You really should keep friends and family around for more than four years.
45. Pretty much anything in life can be funny, if you look at it just right...and squint your eyes and tilt your head just so...(See there? It's funny, isn't it?)
46. List of things learned are overrated. I'm just making this stuff up.
Phew! We all made it! You did read all of them, didn't you? Don't skip #20 or #33, they're important! That's okay, I'll wait while you go back.................................................................
Alright, thanks for getting through them all with me. We'll just have to wait and see what year #47 teaches me. (I hope it's not calculus.)
1. You simply cannot rush a two-year-old.
2. You can believe only that which can be proved by science, or you can believe that miracles happen. (And I can tell you which one will make you happier.)
3. Only hit someone if you are willing to be hit back, with the knowledge that they may hit harder than you do.
4. Life without chocolate isn't worth living.
5. Dogs are messy, but kind of cool.
6. Do not expect your spouse to be perfect, because that's never going to happen. And they would be really annoying if they were.
7. On the seventh day God gave us coffee and it was good.
8. Everyone has a story to tell--sometimes you just have to ask the right questions.
9. Having children changes your life in ways you'd never imagine. Like spending too much money on sports equipment to spend your weekend sitting in the cold rain watching 10-years-olds chase a ball around...And think it was worth it.
10. Your parents really did try to do the best they could.
11. Sometimes being right is not the most important thing.
12. Truth really is stranger than fiction. (So much so, I sometimes prefer fiction.)
13. Always hang up on someone who tells you they're not trying to sell you something. (But always say "No, thank you" first--manners are important.)
14. Manners are important.
15. Babies are pretty amazing.
16. Dental hygiene is important...And cheaper than dental surgery.
17. Teachers should be the highest paid profession.
18. You are not as important as you think. But that's not necessarily a bad thing.
19. No matter how many mistakes you've both made, your mom loves you. A lot.
20. Once past the age of 9 your children will not be impressed by anything you do. Don't let it bother you.
21. After the age of 39 your children will realize you've done some pretty amazing things. Be ready to greet their admiration with humility.
22. If you find a man who thinks you're sexy in your sweats, marry him.
23. Laundry is a never ending cycle. (You get it? "Cycle"?)
24. You're really not as smart as you think you are--be prepared to keep learning.
25. 47-year-old women think they have it all together. They don't, they're just making it up as they go along, just like everyone else.
26. You really do get more bees with honey than vinegar.
27. Anyone who does not believe in God (or some other supreme being) when they look at a newborn just isn't paying attention.
28. The lighting in fitting rooms is just cruel and should have some sort of federal mandate to be more flattering.
29. 46 is a big number...Who's bright idea was this, anyway?
30. Life doesn't start making any sort of sense until your 30's. Do the best you can until then.
31. Reading really is fundamental. Everything is harder without good reading skills. Plus, loving to read means you'll never be bored.
32. Never have more children than you have car windows. (Thank you, Erma Bombeck!)
33. Either you can drive in the snow or you cannot. Find out which it is and act accordingly.
34. Children can sense your weaknesses, so it's best to confess them up front, i.e.: "I don't really know where plastic comes from and I'm scared of driving in the snow."
35. Don't bother lying about your age. Your appearance is what it is--attaching a lower number to it won't change anything.
36. Always try to listen to the other side of issue with an open mind. Even if it turns out to be bat-shit crazy, at least you'll know what you're dealing with.
37. Cleanliness is overrated. As long as your house is clean enough to ward off illness, the rest is just cosmetic.
38. Do not be afraid to say no--to your children, your spouse, your friends and family. Sometimes it should be all about you.
39. Get to know your neighbors. Again, even if they're crazy, this would be good information to have.
40. The world is a great big place with lots of different kind of people--get out into it whenever you can.
41. Mud puddles are underrated.
42. Celebrate occasions--your birthday, the 1st day of school, St Patrick's Day. The rest of the year can be business as usual, your birthday should be special.
43. Young children and old people are the most fun to hang out with. They have no hidden agenda, nothing to prove and just enjoy life as it comes. Spend some time with them whenever possible.
44. Politicians come and go. You really should keep friends and family around for more than four years.
45. Pretty much anything in life can be funny, if you look at it just right...and squint your eyes and tilt your head just so...(See there? It's funny, isn't it?)
46. List of things learned are overrated. I'm just making this stuff up.
Phew! We all made it! You did read all of them, didn't you? Don't skip #20 or #33, they're important! That's okay, I'll wait while you go back.................................................................
Alright, thanks for getting through them all with me. We'll just have to wait and see what year #47 teaches me. (I hope it's not calculus.)
Monday, August 27, 2012
Dreaming in Numbers
Last week I had a dream I was back in high school math (did I say dream? I meant nightmare), only I was married to my husband, Ed, who was in the class with me. The teacher was my daughter Olivia's 4th grade teacher and she wanted me to finish some big math project before the end of the class (even though I'd been out of the room most of the day--probably making copies for her). I didn't want to do this project because it was one of those that had lots of steps and are supposed to help you learn the basics (even though you may already understand it).
I tried to tell the teacher I didn't have all the stuff I needed to finish the project, hoping she'd let me just skip it ('cause it was high school math, and I'm grown up and married, and she's my daughter's 4th grade teacher who I had done a lot of volunteer work for, including cutting out 600 paper apples with the die cut machine). Instead she said "That's okay, all the markers and counters are over there so you can finish".Sigh.
I really didn't want to do this project, as I'd already passed both 4th grade math and high school math. It was going to take too long and it was almost the end of the day and end of the school year. And Ed was already done. (If you're married in high school, can you just do one set of homework? Washington is a community property state, after all.)
It was at this point that I started waking up. I was still in that half-conscious zone, where if it had been a real nightmare I'd still be freaked out and my heart would be pounding. But instead the solution to my math problem came to me (as if in a dream, or half out of a dream): multiplication! All I had to do was multiply the numbers to solve the problem and then I'd be done with it!I'd forgotten about this dream until I ran into Olivia's teacher yesterday at the store and told her about my dream, much to Olivia's embarrassment.
And what message should I take from this dream? If you're a grown up you get to skip a lot of the boring steps? Math isn't fun? Or multiplication will save your ass every time.
(I'd like to dedicate this dream to John Scieszka's Math Curse, which perfectly describes my relationship to all things numeral .)
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