Thursday, January 16, 2014

Only the Lonely

I have a confession to make:  I don't like football.  I will probably be the only sentient being in the state of Washington not watching the Seahawks playoff game this weekend.  I do not own a jersey, I have not invested in any face paint, I could not name a single player on the team.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that a local team is doing well and I see why everyone's gone all 12th Man, but I just don't get football. It's quite possible that it's a birth defect as the rest of my family are all fans:  my brothers who played in high school, my mother and sister, even my father in the nursing home who sometimes doesn't even know his own name.  I've tried watching.  I sat and looked at the TV screen and tried to connect everyone's cheers or jeers to what just happened on the field.  It's clear, however, that I lack the enzyme/chromosome/gene that can distinguish a tight end from a safety, or even care what a first down is. (I just had to Google "football terminology" to get that much--didn't bother to read the definitions.)

Just. Not. Interested.

I'm not anti-football--I don't care about all sports equally. The only events I enjoy watching are the ones that my kids are in, like literally suited up and on the field.  My son played basketball for many years and I went to all his games, even learning (most of) the rules.  Now that he's strictly soccer, I don't have the patience to watch basketball, even if other kids I know are playing.  I don't really even like going to to my daughter's school track meets, but that's mostly because they're so darn long . She's usually in the first event and then the second to last, three hours later, as I sit in the cold and don't get dinner made or retain feeling in my toes.  I will occasionally attend professional baseball if there's beer and hot dogs involved, but definitely not football, not even with margaritas and nachos on the side.

So come Sunday I will be sitting alone, curled up with this stack of books. I will cheer on the main character as he defeats the forces of evil and boo the antagonist's attempt to slip through the defensive line. You all enjoy yourselves.