|My "rookie card"|
Welcome to the exciting and rewarding career of the Substitute Paraeducator!
Your job as a substitute paraeducator is to fill in as teacher's aid wherever there's a need. From playground to lunchroom to classroom, the substitute paraeducator (or "SPare") is the lifeline of any school district.
The tools of the SPare are vital to your success with the students. Having been in the position for over four years, I've learned the all-important Honest Essentials for Lunch and Playground (or HELP):
-You will need a whistle to be heard over the joyful screams/angry yelling of the playground. (Occasionally you may want to break out the bullhorn.) One whistle means "I see you about to throw that ball at Timmy's face," two whistles means "Hey, stop standing on top of the fence," and three whistles means "The recess teachers give up--everyone back to class!"
|*Actual playground may appear more chaotic.|
-Smell nice and dress for success (SNADFS). Kids will tell you if they think you stink. On days I'm going to be at the school I always use my scented lotion and make sure I don't look like I expect to be vomited on. My hope is if the kids want to be near me (because I smell nice) and present myself as someone deserving respect, they will not scream in my face or vomit on me.
-Speaking of communicable diseases, you will also want to invest in some hand sanitizer. Keep in mind the reason you got today's job is because another employee finally succumbed to the miasma of germs doing the back stoke through the school. While I generally avoid all the antibacterial hype, I've seen enough fingers in noses to justify a case of that alcohol-laden slime.
|Thank you, First Graders!|
Call your local school district today so you too can start your exciting journey to the wonderful world of Substitute Paraeducating!
(No, seriously, we need more subs--it's cold and flu season. Apply here.)
|Walking into the school during cold and flu season|