Sunday, January 22, 2012

Where Have All the Republicans Gone?

As part of my new self improvement regime, I have decided that just because I can't understand someone else's viewpoint, doesn't mean they're crazy. (Okay, the people on "Toddlers and Tiaras" are crazy, but that's a given.) When it comes to politics, I tend to lean toward the liberal Democrat side, all touchy-feely and give people affordable health care mumbo-jumbo. I am, however, ready to accept that Republicans are people, too, and might just have some ideas worth listening to. The Republican presidential primaries (hereby known as the "Three Ring Circus") is not making it easy on me. Stuttering debaters, womanizing pizza moguls, and the Comb Over who will not go away all give me nightmares. I really want to stay open minded, but give me something to work with, people!

In trying to see it from a Republican's perspective, I imagine they are mighty embarrassed by this parade of not-quite-front-runners. I'm sure in person, and in their own corner of the country, these candidates are interesting people and dynamic leaders. They probably seemed like a good idea at the time (kind of like that silly Snuggie you ordered last year). But put them through a little scrutiny and suddenly every pimple they've ever had (and that one time they screamed at their kids in the grocery store) seems like a threat to national security.

That being said, it's beginning to seem like the Republican Party is randomly throwing out candidates, hoping one will stick. As it stands today, it seems that the two front runners are Newt Gingrich, who many in his own party (and several of his wives) admit they have no faith in, and Mitt "Anyone But Mitt" Romney. If the Republicans can't even get behind a candidate, how can they expect me to?

While I have not exactly been up-to-date on my church attendance, I think this may be the time to squeeze in a few Hail Marys and perhaps a confession. We could all use a prayer about now, because these people are crazy.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Resolutions to Live By

Many people's New Year's Resolutions last as long as celebrity marriages.  According to a recent article in the Huffington Post,  the three most common resolutions are to lose weight, save more money, and spend more time with family.  By February these people will be crying into their pint of Haggen Dazs after they've spent all their money to have their loved ones removed from their will.  I have never been one for making resolutions (in part because I know I won't keep them), but I think I've come up with a few I can work with.

In the year 2012 I resolve to eat more chocolate.  Not just any chocolate, but the good kind.  The kind of chocolate that's so rich and creamy you get love handles the minute you swallow it. The kind of chocolate that you won't share with your kids because it's too good and they wouldn't appreciate it.  I figure if I will be eating sweets anyway (and let's face it, I will be eating sweets), I might as well make it worth the calories. I resolve to enjoy what I eat.

This year I resolve to spend more time away from my family.  Being a stay-at-home mom means you're always available for whatever anyone needs you to do.  Your family seems to think that because you don't have a regular job that you need to be at during certain hours, your time is theirs.  This, of course, is a ton of malarkey, if only because you are now so busy doing what no one else has time to do--return the library books,  walk the dog,  have a nervous breakdown while sobbing into your pint of Haggen Dazs.  I resolve to tell my family "no" more often and  spend more time on what I want to do.  (If necessary I will hide at undisclosed locations--if you see me lurking in the back of Starbucks in a wig and fake mustache, mums the word.)

Lastly, this new year I resolve to not worry about money.  Yes, I should be putting more aside for retirement and, yes, just because my son has C in math doesn't make a college fund unnecessary, but this is what financial advisers are for.  Saving for the future so you're not sixty-five and eating dog food (while sharing a mobile home with your unemployable child) is all well and good.  Preparing for the future is great, but enjoying your present is important, too.  What good is a well funded retirement if we never went on vacation?  Who needs a well-educated daughter who never calls because you never once splurged on that treat?  I resolve to enjoy what money we have to spend.

New Year's resolutions are too easy to make and too hard to keep.  We all want to be better people, but what's wrong with the person you are now?  Besides, if the whole Mayan calendar is right, we're all off the hook, anyway.