Monday, April 18, 2011

How I Spent My Facebook Vacation

I wish I could say giving up Facebook for Lent made me a better person.  I should be coming out of these 40 days having spent my time in quiet reflection and worthwhile pursuits.  Sigh.  Instead, this is how I spent Lent:

1.  I started blogging, which some may say is a worthwhile pursuit, but really it's just an extended FB update.  With spellcheck. ;)

2.  I was unkind to a door-to-door missionary.  I let my dogs frighten her and I had unkind thoughts about her fashion sense.  Three Hail Mary's and an overnight stay in Purgatory (without FB).

3.  I made it to the gym more often, yet I didn't lose any weight.  Could be those brownies I ate to fill my empty FB soul. 

4.  I also started doing Jillian Michaels' yoga DVD.  I still can't do the camel pose, but have come to the conclusion that her belly button resembles the navel of an un-ripe orange.  (While my belly button is past it's expiration date.)

5.  I came up with new and inventive ways to harass my kids.  Without my face pressed to FB, I realized I have some pretty funny kids--who are even funnier when I annoy them.

6.  Soccer practice, soccer game, volleyball practice, band concert, volleyball game, school volunteer day...Laundry.   Phew!  It's a wonder I had time for FB.

7.   I freaked out about my kids' grades.  I spent sleepless nights imagining them working as telephone solicitors and living in our basement.  And we don't even have a basement.  Then I had a margarita and figured  D was really the new C, and, hey, they were passing weren't they?

8.  I thought un-kind thoughts about my husband as he checked his FB account while sitting next to me.  And I came up with new and inventive ways to harass him.

9.  I finally got around to a couple projects I'd been putting off.  I spray painted the wood chair I got from Goodwill pink to match Olivia's room.  In the process I might have accidentally painted the driveway pink (well, fuchsia).  Right after my husband had spent an entire day pressure washing it.  He isn't as funny when he's annoyed.

10.  I shopped for our upcoming Vegas trip.  I shopped and shopped.  I think we may have to extend our trip a day our 12 so I can wear all my new clothes.  (And you are welcome, local Marysville retailers. You'll be seeing a blip on your economic indicators for the 40 days leading up to Easter.)

So you see, while giving up Facebook for Lent was definitely an exercise in will power, it did not bring me any closer to God.  If you think about it, though, God created the people who created Facebook, so really it's kind of a holy time-suck, instead of your run of the mill time-suck.  God wants me to be on Facebook. 


No comments:

Post a Comment